So, its May already. Finally had some time to sit down, sip some tea and do some writing. Blogging seems to be something which i have always love and couldn't bear to give up on - it gives me a peaceful mind when i jot down my thoughts and reflect on what happened in my life.
Ok, maybe its more of like blogging while looking like an auntie, with my hair bundled up and my fringe clipped up, a pillow on my lap and typing whilst looking through my twitter and facebook.
An Alice in wonderland picture because i really love the story and i think it really relates in everyday's life. You know, when people always want to do the right thing, and they want to be the "norm" that they lock up their own creativity in the process. I recently read about an article which talks about how education locks up this creativity in children. Basically, a child wrote an essay on the wildest thing ever, but it was penalized to be "absurd" and "unrealistic" by the teacher, and hence the child received a failure in the essay. You see, what made me wonder about education is the government is promoting the arts scene in SG, but more often than that, children are constrained to the limited space they have since at a young age. How can they actually grow up and suddenly, they change to be all "mad" and "abnormal" again? Some would, but i think deep down many wouldn't because of peer pressure and society standards. Or either that, their main point in being "different" is to get attention, and not really about how they wish to express themselves through their own "mad standards".
I think that growing up sets me thinking and wondering about whats the "right standard" and the "wrong standard". The right way would be to get a good degree, then a good job, get married and have a family. I think most of the people choose this path because this is the path which others have proved to be the "safe" path, the path whereby everyone has walked, and things gets on just fine. People are afraid to walk the other path, because the future seems bleak and the "norm" mindset deters many even more.
Now if you are wondering why the heck am i typing all this shit down, its really because i suddenly see my future chopped off with all possible routes. I always thought i had this plan in mind, this big plan A and big plan B and big plan C, and there were all the back-up plan A and B and C and there would always be another way out for me should all fail. But now its like, i am at a loss of where should i head on from now. I am definitely afraid of going through the same path everyone else does - work and save, find a good husband/wife, get married and have children, live happily ever after as a average income family, or better, a better than average income family.
I don't want to go to work from 9-5 and go through this whole process for the rest of my life. I want to start a new path, but the drawbacks and deterrence always clamped me from inside out. Risk taking, is easier said than done when you write that as an attribute of an entrepreneurship on your business planning exam script, than when you take out those hard-earned money you scrimped and save on a project which has a 50% chance of failing.
& sometimes, what you deemed to be "normal" appears to be "mad" to others. And don't flush me with all those motivation quotes and all those "oh you just have to do it" or those positive words. It just doesn't work that way when you are in that position yourself.
Sometimes i want to be the "normal" and get a 9-5 job and work half and slog my guts off with a steady income, but sometimes i want to be the "mad" and honestly believe that what i want to realize would be the right choice for me.
I feel like Alice now. You think you are mad, but then you think you are not. But the Cheshire cat said you are, and then you probably is.